The Stupid Ridiculous Thing that Break My Relation with My Thesis

Di tengah-tengah kesibukan menulis skripsi, pikiran-pikiran yang tidak penting ini datang menganggu.

Pantaskah kita menuntut orang lain berbuat baik kepada diri kita?
Benarkah tindakan kita itu?
Siapa kita berhak melakukan hal demikian?

Ini merupakan salah satu hal terhina yang pernah terlintas dalam benakku.
Hey, c'mon. Look at yourself.
Kau tidak lebih dari sekumpulan debu tanah yang Tuhan hembuskan nafas kepadanya, sehingga beisa seperi sekarang ini.
Benar, kau adalah makhluk ciptaan Tuhan yang paling mulia, diciptakan serupa gamabr Allah, imago Dei.
Tapi ingat, dosa telah mencemari dunia dan jagat raya ini, tanpa terkecuali. Otakmu pun telah dirasuki dosa. Sampai-sampai timbullah pemikiran-pemikiran seperti ini!!!

Ingat, manusia!!!
Kau tidak berhak menuntut orang lain berbuat baik kepadamu.
Yang harus kau lakukan adalah lakukan bagianmu sebaik mungkin.
Berbuat baiklah kepada siapa saja, tanpa menuntut balas.
Ingat, work out your salvation, for you've been saved by His blood.
C'mon..mungkin orang lain tidak menghargai kebaikanmu, tapi Tuhan akan mencatat setiap perbuatan kita di dalam buku kehidupan.
Karena itu kumpulkanlah harta di sorga di mana ngengat dan karat tidak akan menghabisinya.

Once more!!!
Jangan pernah menuntut orang lain berbuat baik kepadamu, tapi
lakukanlah yang terbaik untuk sesamamu dengan motivasi yang benar, tujuan yang benar, dan cara yang benar. Serta, janganlah mengharapkan balasan dari sesamamu, karena Bapa di Sorgalah yang akan memberikan kepadamu sesuai dengankasih karunia-Nya yang berlimpah.

GBU abundantly

Cuap-cuap

Sebelum membaca, peringatan!!
Harap maklum, jika terdapat banyak kesalahan grammar. Maklum, bahasa Inggris saya terbatas!!!
Silakan bersiap....................3.............2..................1..............mulai.....................

When my friend texted me a message that I was pleced in SDH Daan Mogot again, I felt a little bit confused. It was for the second times TC placed me on this school. When I looked back on my first practicum on the same school, I felt so frustated. Why? Because I was made a little mistake in content that I taught, and it still memorable until now. I took so many time to reflect, “Have I improved myself, especially in content?”

On my second practicum, I was placed in a school which has a little lower level compared to SDH. I felt so enjoy during that time. Yes, it’s one of human nature, that he will feel very comfortable in his comfort zone. But, I realized that if I never try to reach out of my comfort zone, I will never grow up. I can’t improve myself to be better more. Then, TC made it, SDH Daan Mogot, Math, Grade 10.

When first I knew my placement, the next thing I confused about was my partners. When I knew that all of my partners were girls, I felt more depressed. But what I got for this last 4 months. I really enjoy our togetherness. We can help each other, encouraging each other, laughing together, and we often spent our time to pray and to share our experience in school. When I missed my KTB (Kelompok Tumbuh Bersama), I got a new “KTB” here. I felt that each one of us has been grow each day.

And now, all about my mentor and students. First, my mentor. I felt a little bit afraid when I first met my mentor. He is a very smart teacher, mastery the content very well and also has nine years teaching experince. At first I felt that I couldn’t met his demands. I have to mastery the content, I have to manage the classroom well, I have to manage my time well, I have to make students focus on me, and so on. I still remember what was happened on my first teaching. Too chaos. Too much homework for me. A sentences that I still remember He told me is, “Is it your third practicum?”  He give me many suggestion, especially the way I manage the classroom. I promised to myself, “I will learn from Him, I will accept all his feedback, and I’m going to improve myself”. I am very grateful that God use him to help me develop my skill and content. I was so happy that he gave me so many suggestion right after my lesson, and also he didn’t forget to give me praise if I did a great job. I felt so happy, that he gave so many opportunity to teach, to manage and plan the lessons for three parallel class, to gave the students quiz or exam. I felt that he realy entrusted me to hold on his three class, and also he supported my research during my this internship. I learned so much from him to be a professional teacher.

Next, my students. In this internship I teached three parallel class, 10.3 – 10.5, 73 students. Almost every night, I prayed for them. I realy want to see that they’re not only get content from me, but something else which can touch their heart. I pray God that He make me a blessing to my students everyday. But untill now, I feel that I have not give them my best, yet. It require more time to give impact to them.

In this four months, I realy can feel that life is just like a roller coaster, the position will always change, sometimes up and sometimes down. There’re times where I feel so enjoy in teaching. Especially when the students focus on me, pay attention and concentration to the lesson, and can did the exercise well. But sometimes I felt no passion in teaching. When my students didn’t pay attention to me, talk to their friends during the lesson, rebel and didn’t do the given tasks. Sometimes I became angry and I told them to respect the teacher. Sometimes, I have to faced some rebel students, they didn’t respect me, they mocked me, they didn’t consider me as they teacher. The only thing I can do is pray for them. On the other hand, I think I have to talk to them personally. I have tried it to my students. I called them to my room and have a little conversation with them. On moment like this, I felt this is the time for me to touched their heart. We talked from heart to heart. I encourage them to study harder more.

Overall, I feel so blessed that God gave me this opportunity to met them. I love them, though some didn’t love. I know it. For some students, I am not more than a math teacher for them. Even, some students looked down upon me. Some students wanted to take advantages of my kindness because of my position, “a 4-months teacher”. But trully, whatever they views or toughts to me, they’re still a precious gift from God for me to make me better more. I realize that without any challenges I can’t keep growing. I need it and I have to face it.

Last but not least, I was realy enjoy my last practicum here. For all teachers and staff who greeted us so friendly, I felt very grateful.

I felt grow each day here, but I still need to learn and grow more and more.    

; p

Not Yet

We're pilgrim on the journey of the narrow road
And those who've gone before us line the way
Cheerong on the faithful, ancouraging the weary
Their life a string testament to God's sustaining grace


Surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses
Let us run the race not only for the price
But as those who've gone before us
Let us leave to those behind us
The heritage of faithfulness
Passed on through Godly lives


Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful
May the fire of our devotion line their way
May the footprint that we leave
Lead them to believe
And the life we live inspire them to obey
Oh may all who come behind us find us
FAITHFULL


......


What a beautyful lyrics.
This is my pray Lord.
For them, for my students, X3, X4, X5.
Have I lived a life that can lead them to see You?
What can I leave for them?
Have I touched their heart?
Have I encouraged them?
Have I inspired them?
Have I, have I, have I??!!!


Whatever God, I believe that every single word that come from my tounge, has blessed them.
Because YOU've strengthen me.
I believe God, that for this 4 months, You've used me to bless them.
I believe there's nothing meaningless and useless if I do it with YOU.
Thank You God, for this precious 4 months.
For mentors, for every teachers, for all officers.
And the most precious gift for me were My students.


I love them, even maybe they don't love me.
But I still love them.
Especially, for those who so difficult in Math.
I'm sorry for make you confused in Math, :D
But you have to!! :)


Thanks Lord
...............................

Darahku sih merah...haha

Sore hari, setelah menyelesaikan semua tugas di sekolah hari ini, seperti biasa saya merebahkan tubuhku di atas kasur yang sangat tipis ini sambil membuka social network yang paling mengguncang dunia (#lebay) modern ini, FACEBOOK. Sejenak mataku tertuju pada salah satu grup yang sudah cukup lama tidak saya "klik", grup KELUARGA SA'DAN. Wah, grup ini menurut saya paling seru dalam hal diskusi atau silang pendapat, apalagi kalau sudah menyentuh area yang paling sensitif, yaitu tentang ke-Bangsawan-an. Hmmmmm...

Saya mencoba membaca kembali postingan-postingan para anggota grup dan membaca komen-komen mereka. Yah, lumayan bisa merefresh pengetahuan saya yang sangat secuil ini tentang kampung halaman saya yang tercinta. Topik yang paling sering diangkat adalah tentang darah biru, bangsawan, puang, dan sejenisnya. Sangat seru membaca setiap komen yang diluncurkan oleh rekan-rekan sesama orang Sa'dan itu, dan ternyata saya juga pernah "nimbrung" posting komen di situ..hehe..

Sampai sekarang, saya masih bingung bercampur penasaran. "Warna" darah saya apa ya? Walaupun sebenarnya sudah cukup banyak info yang saya dapat, tetapi dasar otak saya agak lambat mencerna komen-komen mereka. Saya juga agak canggung untuk bertanya langsung ke orang tua.

Anyway, terlepas dari semua itu, bagi saya mau bangsawan atau bukan, saya tetap bangga menjadi orang Toraja. Kalau ditanya kenapa? Ya iyalah...secara budayanya itu, alamnya itu, pesonanya itu loh, kagak nahan...amazing luar biasa. Oh, iya. Satu lagi. Ngapain sih pusing-pising mikirin, "Saya keturunan ini atau itu?", toh, i'm still the image of God, whether "my blood is blue" or not.

Lagian, selama ini, sepertinya kalau saya terluka dan keluar darah, warnya MERAH..hahaha...

Hidup Toraja!!!

Hidup darah merah!!!

:p

All about my internship

oh my,oh my,oh my.. Sudah hampir 4 bulan internship di SDH Daan Mogot. Dua minggu lagi main sekolah-sekolahannya selesai.heee....14 minggu saya simulasi menjadi guru math, apakah saya bertumbuh? hmmm...dari komentar dan feedback mentor,juga dari refleksi harian saya, sepertinya saya mengalami efek roller coster. Ada masa-masa di mana saya sukses,ada juga saya gagal. Tapi bagi saya, it's okay. Selama saya masih belajar, gali pengalaman sebanyak mungkin.

Hmmm...jadi sosok guru muda ternyata tidak gampang. Apalagi ketika diperhadapkan dengan siswa SMA kelas 10 yang rentang usia saya dan mereka hanya terpaut 5-7 tahun. Pergumulan yang cukup berat, karena di satu sisi saya adalah guru mereka yang seharusnya dianggap sebagai orang yang lebih tua oleh mereka. Di lain pihak, dengan rentang usia yang terbilang relatif dekat, saya cenderung masih sepikiran dengan mereka, sehingga lebih asik jika menjadi teman. Dan inilah diri saya, saya berusaha untuk menjadi "teman" bagi mereka, dalam belajar matematika.

Saya bukan tipe orang yang serius. Dalam mengajar saya suka berbagi guyonan, tertawa bersama siswa, dan bersenda gurau. Namun, ternyata menjadi seperti ini adalah pilihan yang cukup sulit. Ketika kita sudah dekat dengan siswa, siswa betul-betul akan menganggap kita sebagai teman, bukan lagi GURU!!! Jarak antara guru dan siswa tidak ada lagi, sekarang mnejadi antarteman. Hal ini yang terus dan terus saya gumulkan. Ketika saya mencoba untuk menjadi teman mereka, saya pun harus tetap menjaga reputasi saya sebagai seorang guru.

Dan inilah yang terjadi selama 4 bulan ini. Saya tahu benar dan sangat sadar, mereka lebih menganggap saya sebagai teman. Saya pun memang terlalu berlebihan dalam berelasi dengan mereka (my fault >,<). Menjelang akhir praktikum ini, saya sedikit menyesali apa yang telah saya bangun. Siswa meminta keringanan, siswa terlalu banyak bercanda di kelas, tertawa dan tidak memperhatikan presentasi guru, dan hal-hal lain yang mereka lakukan yang membuat emosi saya hari ini akhirnya terlampiaskan. Marah depan kelas?? Tidak!! Hanya teguran keras, sedikit luapan emosi yang bisa saya keluarkan. Yang menjadi bagian yang paling tidak mengenakkan adalah hari-hari setelah ini. Saya bingung harus bersikap seperti apa.

But, listen. "Problem, I have big GOD". ^___^

"Kesusahan sehari cukuplah untuk sehari".

"Kalau marah, cukup sampai ketika matahari terbenam".

Kutipan teks bible di atas menguatkan saya untuk bisa menjalani hari-hari besok, khususnya dua minggu ke depan.

Hmmmmmm.....Dua minggu lagi. Saya ingin menikmati kebersamaan dengan siswa-siswa saya di dua minggu terakhir ini.

I love my students.